Condemned

I suppose I am in denial. But who the fuck cares right? So I decided to write this blog in a third person view.

He studied for 45 minutes. Then an idea struck him. He decided to sms. She replied. He happy. She said she coming. He lagi happy. So he waited and waited.

She come half an hour late. He doesn’t mind. But she was 3 tables away. She din see him. But she messaged asking where are you. He went to her. He smiled. She smiled. He notice the table was full. She said she can come to his table.

And that’s where everything turned upside down, inside out.

He said its ok if she want to sit with her friends. She din say anything.She nodded.He went to his table. He started to regret. He asked himself what the fuck is he thinking. He looked back at her table. She din turn back. He wanted to go her table. There was no place. He stared back in his book. He wished she came to her table. It did not happen. He disappointed. He looked back several times. No response. He tried to sms her to come to his table. He did not do it. He began to wonder if he had balls. He can’t concentrate. He thought of the “so near yet so far” concept. He felt stupid. He felt useless. He felt he was going to be the failure of mankind.

Then, someone left her table. There was space. He went to her table which took him 15 minutes to ponder. He sat. She din look up. He felt hopeless. He stared at book again. She asked friends about a question. He listened. She asked his opinion. He answered. He guessed that she wasn’t convinced. He asked whether he had help. She said yes. He guessed she just don’t want to hurt him. He felt stupid. She then asked about something else. Not to him. He just listened. She din ask his opinion anymore. He stared back at his book. And in 5 minutes time, she felt like leaving. She left. She said bye. He said bye. He JUST said bye. That’s all. He thinks that she was disappointed. He tried to say something else. She pretended to walk slowly. He did not say anything. He felt stuck. His brain was blank. She went away with her friend. He felt like banging his head on the wall. He felt like shouting. He just stared at his book for the next 30 minutes. Then he decided to leave.

On the way home, he looked at the sky and asked why? Nobody answered him. He shook his head. He felt devastated. He scratched his head. He was blank. He was confused.

And there goes the confident. There goes the enthusiasm. There goes hope. There goes everything. It felt like déjà vu.

He walked back to his room with heavy steps. He wished he did not live today. He wished there was no today.