Random

I am not sure what to write. It is so random. Maybe not. But I don't get it. Things are as blur as Gotham City is to Batman now.

Perhaps I had tortured myself long enough. Perhaps. I dunno. But any other time, I had successfully suppressed it. Or maybe I thought so. I mean I have training in such skills. And it might have done me good. Keeping my mind alive and sane. But I know things always had a limit. I might not cross the line yet, but the gut feeling says it is near.

When am I going to do so, I asked as always for a few years now. I had shaken off this feeling for countless times, but it came back to me. Each and everytime. I tried everything possible to abandon the feeling, but it just came back again. I really tried. Hard and with anything I have learned. It. just. want. to. come. back.

I had no idea of picking up clues or indications where shall I lead myself. I had seen things gone so awry on the other side, but all I can do is watch with fist clenched. Unable to strike. Unable to solve anything. It complicates as the drama folds out. And all I can do time and again is just smacking my head. Alot of things I had wanted to share, alot of personal stuff, happy or sad stuff, but in the end, I just kept to myself.

Sometimes, I realized that this might be it. But I just don't have the guts to open it out. All these years, I am in denial and so far I have covered it so well. But sooner or later, it will outlive me. It will eat me from the inside. Still, the guts, and maybe chance just won't budge and make way.

A friend had told me I might have show some emo-ness lately. Maybe there is a point there. But seriously, all I want is a release.

Still waiting.